Hi ref, how's your dog?
Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog.
Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog!

Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final:

  I used to think it was great being a wee nippy corner forward, but its better now being a big, fat one.

Ollie Murphy.

They shot the wrong Micheal Collins.

Ollie Murphy to referee Michael Collins after Donegal beat Meath in 2002.

He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long.

Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final.

Hurry up and make a decision, ref. I have to go home to bale the hay!

The late Michael Young during a club game in Derry as the ref dithered about whether to award a penalty.

Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up.

John B.Keane ventures into coaching.

 
You're young Kearins, from Sligo. I presume you expect to go back to Sligo this evening.
Mickey Kearins: Hopefully.
McCormack: Well, if you don't pass the mark, you have a fair chance of getting back.
Paddy McCormack (digging a hole along the ground with his boot):

Eugene McGee: Well, what happened? (Offaly player late for training.)
Offaly Player: Oh, the wheel fell off my mobile home.

 
I was coming across town and I was stopped by the guards. They said I was a match for one of the guys that pulled the big bank robbery yesterday.
Kevin Heffernan: Really?
Holden: No, but it sounds so much better than saying I slept it out.

Mick Holden (seriously late for training on a Saturday morning):

 

Meath are like Dracula. They're never dead till there's a stake through their heart.

Martin Carney.

Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player.

Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final.

When Joe Brolly is winning, he's objectionable. When he's blowing kisses, he's highly objectionable.

Cavan fan.

He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse.

Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final.

There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink.

Another Sligo fan at the same match.

You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final.

Pat Spillane.

The first half was even, the second half was even worse.

Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash.

Meath players like to get their retaliation in first.

Cork fan in 1988.

Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue.

Another Cork fan.

Ah yes, the career of the Gaelic footballer can end in a flash. Just ask any Roscommon player.

Keith Duggan on Roscommon's nude pool playing.

We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having you off will improve our situation.

Manager to a club player in Derry.

I'm going to tape the Angelus over this.

Meath fan after recording the 2001 All-Ireland final.

My Dad told me you were the man that lost the All-Ireland for Tyrone!

Young fan to Iggy Jones.

 
Reporter: How's the leg Kevin?
Kevin Moran: It's fxx..... it's very sore.

Reporter interviews Kevin Moran on TV after the 1978 All- Ireland final.

He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest.

Kerry fan on Colin Corkery.

   

Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile?
A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time.

Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final.

Fermanagh has such a small playing base. Half the county is made up of water and half of the remaining half are Protestants.

Fermanagh fan bemoans the paucity of talent.

The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does.

Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final.

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else.

John B. Keane.

  

'We've won one All-Ireland in a row!'

Wexford fan in 1996.

'The toughest match that I ever heard of was the 1935 All-Ireland semi final - after 6 minutes the ball richocheted off a goalpost and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing.'

Michael Smith.

'Sorry about the showers lads, a water problem, but I'll hose down those of you who want it.'

The consoling words of a Croke Park steward, hose in hand, to Dublin players returning to the dressing rooms following their defeat in the 1975 All-Ireland final to find the showers broken.

'There's a lot of mystery about the way Waterford will actually line out and surely the GAA will have to do something about that. I mean, how is a pundit to make a prediction if teams are changed at the last minute? It's terrible carry on.'

Tony Considine, former Clare selector and current analyst for The Examiner.

'A real hateful, sticky hoor. A lad that would just be up your back the whole time.'

Ollie Murphy (Meath) waxes lyrical on the type of corner back he dreads.

'The main thing is, they'd eat grass to win. That's what I want. I'm not interested in lads ringing me up saying that they can't train because they need a babysitter, or their mother is not well, or there's someone after passing away.'

Larry Tompkins reveals the calibre of player best suited to his laid back style or management.

'Is this in recognition of all the one-parent families on the present panel?'

Joe Brolly's question to a Derry county board official when the team received only one complimentary ticket prior to their 1998 Ulster semi-final.

'No comment, and by the way, you can't quote me saying that.'

Dublin's Brian Mullins butters his bread on both sides in response to a journalists question about his fitness prior to a key game.

'At this stage, Eamonn, you'd nearly have to fancy the Dubs.'

The all-too honest reply of a Kildare player as they trailed heavily at half-time in the 1978 Leinster final. In an attempt to rally his forlorn troops, Kildare manager, Eamonn O'Donoghue had delivered a tub-thumping speech which ended with the rherotical question: 'Who's gonna win this match?'

'I never retired. They just stopped picking me.'

Derry full-back Tony Scullion explains the manner of his departure from the intercounty game.

'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

Ted Walsh, horse racing trainer and commentator.

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

Michael Jordan.

'T'would be nice, Paidi, t'would be nice.'

John Egan's serene response to a query from Paidi O'Se before a big game: 'I suppose you'll be sticking in a few today?'

'He stood there in the middle of the room, one hand in his pocket, just like F Scott Fitzgerald and said 'Is that it?''

Tony Hanahoe descirbes Dublin team-mate David Hickey's less than shocked reaction when players were summoned to a team meeting shortly after winning the 1976 All-Ireland and informed that Kevin Heffernan was to step down as manager.

'We're taking this match awful seriously. We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday.'